Okay mamas let get #real, #authentic, #honest, #candid… all those hashtags doing the rounds all over social media – constantly challenging us to prove ourselves and our worth. Let’s talk about the elusive “super mom”. The woman who does it all, has it all, with the perfect family and husband of the year. The mama you look up to. She inspires you, but at the same time you secretly loathe her and judge her, hoping she will “slip up” giving you a glimpse of her humanity. Sorry, she doesn’t exist and sometimes she only lives in the eye of the beholder. I know this for a fact because even I’ve been labeled a super mom by some and it’s not something I claim or want to be. I’m just a mom and completely content with exactly that.
Still not sold?
We ate Pizza last night. On a week night! And not the cauliflower base, low GI, health conscious, homemade kind. NO, not even a fancy, freshly made, thin base one… I’m talking thick base, MSG loaded, over produced, not even sure if that was cheese kind-of-pizza. All because after a day at home with all 3 of our girls I was just too tired to cook – worst of all, I even let 10 month old Ava nibble on the crust. Did I mention, Ava’s nursery still isn’t done. Maybe we’ll have it ready for her 1st birthday? Lia almost lost a finger when our bunny bit her, Eliana had to do her 1st market day alone because somehow amidst making the goods, building a little shop, teaching her about pricing and sales, I missed the part where they invited mom along to the actual day. Thankfully another mama stepped in and helped her. Sometimes I scream because I lose my temper, sometimes I cry because I don’t know what else to do and sometimes I hide from the kids just to collect myself again.
Being a mom is hard and challenging and we make mistakes. That’s NORMAL and part of the job description BUT the hardest part isn’t raising your kids. Actually the hardest part is dealing with the constant judgement and guilt that comes with the territory.
You need to be one tough cookie to be a mom!
Parenting wasn’t meant to be easy and our parents dealt with a lot of the same struggles. Unfortunately however, technology has intensified these struggles. Add filters, clever captions, likes and comments and you’ve got the perfect recipe for self-doubt. In the past we were only subjected to mom-shaming when out and about. Now I get to feel bad about myself and all my parenting choices in the comfort of my own home, scrolling on my phone whilst lying in bed… there’s nowhere to hide!
Please understand, there’s nothing wrong with a perfectly curated Instagram feed or a polished Facebook page. It’s YOURS, do with it as you please… capture every last memory (good / bad), see it as a “best of” highlights reel, use it to express your creativity or to fill the world with beauty and inspiration, but always see it for what it is. Merely an app, to keep your pictures. Don’t make it into anything more and never give it the power to steal your joy.
We are our own toughest critics.
Fear and doubt have always been our greatest enemies and when you become a mom both of these double, triple, quadruple. We fear we aren’t doing enough, loving enough, giving enough. What if we lose ourselves, make a mistake, fail our kids? We care too much about what others think and say. Fear of failure has all of us reading about the latest parenting hack, educational approaches and best lifestyle choices. All this reading in turn confuses us even more so we google and read more and then we question, set up a poll and finally we end up back to square one, doubting every decision we’ve made. It’s exhausting! Believe me, the rat race hasn’t got a thing on the school run.
Somehow being a moms isn’t enough either… We have to have a purpose, run a company, be fabulous at a hobby or be the helping hand at every school event and charity, outshining our fellow moms (but not in an obvious, flashy way.) That would be rude. Rather keep it subtle and sweet so we “motivate” our fellow moms to be more. More what? More like what the world expects? Less like we where meant to?
Moms are fierce tigresses, protecting our young and sometimes that means attacking another tigress with a “did you forget to vaccinate your baby”, “didn’t you read the post on the school communicator”, “did you forget it was your turn to bring cake, aren’t you thankful Pick n Pay opens at 8 am?”. We want to sound caring but actually we’re just being judgmental, giving ourselves a mental high five for getting it right this time.
Whether you are ready to admit it or not, we are all constantly trying to prove to ourselves and the world that we are “super mom of the year”. The sad part is, no-one cares, especially not your kids – they’ve know this since conception.
So what can we do?
Maybe a small shift in the way we approach our dream of being a super mom is all that’s needed? Maybe if we rise to the occasion we can stop the constant feelings of failure and overwhelming doubt. I’ve said this so many times and this week Lindie Strydom once again drove the message home; there are no mistakes. Your children were entrusted to YOU and ONLY YOU. YOU are God’s first and best plan for that little person. No one knows them, loves them and can take care of them like you can. Even if you are not a Christian, this truth stands. It doesn’t matter if you carried that baby in your womb, if you had a surrogate or adopted. That little person was destined to be YOURS.
Claim this and see why comparison and judgement serves no purpose. Let’s stop trying to be a super mom to our kids and rather be super moms to one another.
And then lastly a little mom hack I’ve learnt over the years – The K.I.S.S principal. I’ve tweaked it a bit for motherhood.
Life has become busy and parenting has become too complicated. We invest so much into every small detail, in the end we don’t have the energy or time to appreciate, love and take the bigger picture into account. Being a mom (and dad) is a gift, one not everyone gets to experience, but we make it a job with daily productivity reviews, to-do lists and goals. This Mother’s Day (and everyday thereafter) I’m taking back my gift, loving our 3 girls a little more, hugging them a little longer, sitting next to them, playing, reading, just being mom. Savouring their joy and giving myself a break. Because I am exactly right for Eliana, Lia and Ava, just the way I am and so are you.
Now to spoil a super mom…
Of course we have a Mother’s Day giveaway. I have teamed up with 7 incredible mom-bosses to spoil one lucky lady, just because she is a mom.
This prize (to the value of over R2000) includes the following:
- A R500 voucher courtesy of the Anneen Henze Collection.
- A Mayalief Story of You baby book (Available in English or Afrikaans).
- A sachet of MotherKIND collagen sure to put some pep in your step.
- A handy zipper pouch from Scandi Home Decor.
- A pretty tropical soft pot from Tiger Lily.
- A beautiful wooden photo drop from Nectar & Ink.
- As well as a cheeky “Chasing dreams & Raising wild ones” soy candle from Burn.
How to win?
No need to follow or like any accounts – although I love all of the mamas mentioned above and I’m sure you will too. Signing up to newsletters are optional. I’m not even asking you a tricky question. All you need need to do to win all of the lovely goodies mentioned, is leave me a comment right here saying hello. Simple as that.
Good luck mamas and Happy Mother’s Day.
- Only entries the blog will count.
- Instagram and Facebook is in no way responsible or associated with this giveaway.
- Competition only open to South African residents residing in South Africa.
- Winner must be 18+ years old.
- Competition closes on the 25th of May 2018. The winner will be picked at random and announced on the 28th of May 2018.
- This prize is not exchangeable or refundable.
- Please enter valid email and contact info. If we can not get hold of you within 48 hours a new winner will be chosen.
- The greatest care will be taken when mailing your prize but Just a Mamma and all the other companies involved do not accept any responsibility for lost, stolen or damaged goods.
PHOTO CREDIT | Anje-Ilana Nel Madison and West.